All the Bad Stuff on One Page


This is a lovely ride with great scenery, fun people, wonderful crew, too much food...


But I can guarantee you that someone is going to have a terrible time.


You see, on every ride we do there is a consistent one percent of our fellow cyclists that have a really bad time of it.


When things go wrong for one of our fine riders we scrape them up with a spatula and then we often hear them say, “But no one told me that...”


And so here is -- all the bad stuff on one page. For 99 percent of you this doesn’t matter one bit -- you are going to have a blast.  But if you would like to avoid being in that unhappy one percent (or if you just like to read cranky stuff), this is worth taking a look.


Our Incredibly Unfair Refund Policy


Once you register, you can get a full refund for ANY reason if you notify us within 14 days.


If you miss that 14-day deadline but notify us within 30 days, you can get a full credit for your deposit. That credit is valid for any of our rides -- no expiration date.


After 30 days have passed from the time you register we can not issue any refunds or credits for any reason. Ever.


SO... we strongly recommend that you consider buying trip insurance here.  That way if something happens where you can’t attend the trip you’re covered. This insurance is offered by an excellent insurance company that has paid out many times to our cycling friends over the years. Every trip we do we get a last-minute plea from a cyclist with an emergency -- trip insurance covers you and gets you a refund.


Prices for the insurance? Depend on the options you pick. Feel free to go to the insurance site here and play around -- no commitment or credit card required. No sales pitches or phone calls.



Obscure Trivia Note

I’ve been putting on swell rides for more than 20 years now -- it’s my full-time job, and I expect to do this for another 200 years. But if my poor little company ever goes broke or I die in a horrible ice-cream-and-pie related accident, all ride credits will have zero value, OK?  OK.


A Brief Word About Illness, Accidents, Death, and Cake

We get lots of emails right before the ride: "Even though you have a no-refund policy, I need a refund. I can’t ride because I am sick and I have a note from my doctor to prove it -- would you like a copy of the note?"


No.


No I would not.


Thanks.


We believe you (and your doctor) but it's like this:



Suppose I'm a baker and you order a 10-foot tall cake for your birthday.


Then something terrible happens.  You get the flu. You fall down a flight of stairs. You get drunk and crack a tooth on a coffee table.


Horrible.


Sad.


We understand why you no longer want the cake.


But when you placed your order, I purchased perishable ingredients.  I added extra staff.  I bought Cake Insurance (OK... just go along with me here...)


I don't need a note from your doctor. 


I believe you. 


Fate has dealt a wonderful person like you a completely unfair hand for no good reason at all. 


But one of us is about to lose the price of the cake, and it's going to be you or me.


And me being the poor and cranky guy I am... it's going to be you. (There must be a MUCH nicer way to say that, but nothing comes to mind just at this moment...)


Now imagine that I have 50 people who EACH order a birthday cake and you get the idea.


Thanks for understanding.



Helmets


You must wear a hard bike helmet at all times on the ride.  No helmet/no ride/no exceptions.


Really.


Oh yeah, and while we’re being mean, no earphones or cell phones while you’re pedaling either. If you break these rules, we will kick you off the ride and everyone will laugh at you. No refunds.



Whiners


Whiners will be dealt with in the harshest possible manner.



Weather & Route Conditions


If it is hot out you may be hot.


If it is raining you may get wet.


Yeah, this is painfully obvious to 99 percent of you, but we DO get emails...


We work constantly to find the best routes, but if there is a pot-hole or a nasty bit of uneven pavement, it is up to you to work around it. We often get frantic screaming phone calls: “THERE’S A HUGE POTHOLE AT MILE 23.4!” We understand your concern but there is remarkably little we can do about this on ride day.  (Our personal paving machine and steamroller are both still in the shop, waiting for spare parts.)


The only time we cancel pedaling for the day is if the weather is so bad that we believe that your life would be in danger out on the route. (Lightning,  tsunami...)  We do not issue refunds if we have to cancel the ride. (Why? See above under Our Incredibly Unfair Refund Policy). Please consider travel insurance.


Water


Do not drink the tap water. No one in Mexico does. We'll provide plenty of free bottled water.